In America we eat man semen.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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