Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
