yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
