so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
