Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
