You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
