what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
