I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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