Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
