He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
