Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
