and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
