If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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