You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
