3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
