My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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