he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
