I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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