there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize