uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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