Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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