I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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