so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
