sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
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