she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
