he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
