You're completely useless in the revolution.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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