I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
