no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
