Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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