I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
