I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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