i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
