like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
