he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
