Can Purell be used as lube?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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