here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
