Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
