I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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