Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
