i may or may not be watching the land before time
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
