I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
