I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
