Buhtt sex?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
