Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Life is so much better after having sex.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
