Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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