We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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