While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize