we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
