I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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