aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
