My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize