I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
