the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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