Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
so let's talk penis.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
