if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
