Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
