i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
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