wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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