are you so shy because you have an std?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
