So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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