college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
