And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
