Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
