based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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