My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
