real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize