I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
