Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
