Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
